How to choose a goal

Below are four guidelines to consider when choosing a goal for our meetings:

  1. Please come to each meeting with one specific goal ( see examples ).
  2. Please avoid goals that aren’t realistic (such as winning the lottery), manipulate another person’s free will, or bring harm to others.
  3. Ralph is a Life Coach, not a therapist, so please avoid goals that delve deeply into mental health challenges.
  4. Please consult an industry professional for goals that require legal, medical or investment advice.

Some folks struggle with manifesting because they choose the wrong goal.  Below are eight fictitious examples that show the importance of digging deeper and healing obstacles:

  • Samantha is very lonely and wants a relationship more than anything.  Unfortunately, she has a history of becoming obsessed with every woman she dates and eventually scares them away. If asked, she’d enthusiastically tell you her goal is to find a relationship.  However,  her ideal goal should be “to be a happy single.” When she manifests this, she’ll develop a relationship with herself and come across as less clingy — which will eventually lead to a healthy relationship.
  • Lionel is highly skilled in his field, but hasn’t worked in three years . This has had a dire impact on his self-esteem and caused him to stop looking for a job.  He’d tell you his goal is to find a job.   But in his case, he has two goals: to become more confident and to network with prospective employers.  He’ll work on building his confidence first so he can put his best foot forward in his job search.
  • Cara moved to Toronto in 2017 to get married.  Since her arrival, she constantly feels lonely and blames her husband for this.  She says her goal is to have a better marriage. But upon closer inspection, her husband isn’t the problem.  Since moving to Toronto, Cara hasn’t made any friends and her feelings of loneliness have put a strain on her marriage.  The best goal for Cara would be to find a circle of like-minded friends.
  • Despite having a great job, good looks, and lots of guys interested in him, Juan’s been single for years.  Eight years ago, his engagement with Tyrel ended abruptly when he caught him in bed with another man. Juan says his goal is to meet someone special, but on a subconscious-level, he hasn’t worked through the pain he associates with relationships — even if he’s completely over Tyrel. That’s why he keeps pushing away his many suitors. The perfect goal for Juan is to be open to love.
  • Jing’s goal is to find the “perfect city” to settle down.  She’s been in Toronto for 18 months and finds there’s “too much drama” with everyone she meets. After several discussions, we discover she’s lived in six cities before Toronto and left for similar reasons.  If drama follows Jing everywhere she goes, a better goal might be for her to find a good therapist so she can understand the role she’s playing in these dynamics and break this pattern.
  • Kwame is a highly-respected and successful lawyer who earns a fantastic salary.  Their goal is to quit their job and become an artist.  After digging deeper, we discover Kwame has grown accustomed to the lavish lifestyle their current earnings allow and isn’t willing to adjust to an emerging artist’s income.  Because of this, their goal can be broken down into three phases. The first goal is to save for a career transition.  The second goal is to cut back on their hours as a lawyer so they can spend more time  on their art.  The final goal is to produce a show and promote their art.
  • Ken is a true romantic whose goal is to find his twin flame. However, whenever he meets someone of interest, he freezes.  Ken’s challenge is to overcome his shyness.   But when we get to the root of this, we discover deep insecurities about his appearance.  So Ken’s best goal is to feel confident about his appearance.
  • Rebecca inevitably feels let down by everyone she meets, so her goal is to have better luck in her friendships. After hearing her story, we see that she’s a lovely, giving person who puts a lot into her friendships and gets very little in return.  In her case, her first goal should be to put fewer expectations on herself so she can relax and enjoy her friendships.  For her second goal, she needs to learn to pick friends who are more giving and place fewer expectations on these folks — which will be easy if she places fewer expectations on herself.  Rebecca doesn’t need “luck” to build better friendships.  Reaching both goals will give her the balance she craves 🙂